It’s entirely possible that this post is premature. There’s not guarantee I’ll get into the nerve stimulator trial, but this is me being optimistic for once. So, as promised, another disorganized list of pros and cons for occipital nerve stimulation:
- The study comes with a free Palm Pilot (or similar PDA) for electronic diary keeping!
- Another good excuse to avoid Wal-Mart, whose theft detectors are notorious for giving implanted people a jolt at its entrance and exits if the patient forgets to turn off their device.
- I have to promise to make every effort to not get pregnant for the duration of the trial (approx. three years).
- Rest assured, I can’t electrocute anyone but myself, so standing next to me or touching me is completely safe (especially if your shoes have rubber soles). My apologies in advance if I trip your car alarm, however.
- Would it be a good thing or a bad thing to live next to a wind farm?
- If your Hyundai’s battery dies, call me, not AAA – my battery is good for five years.
- It’s possible that at some point in the future I could be in the position to break up with some, unwitting fool. In my imagination, the scenario goes something like this:
Poor fool: But, Mary, I thought I saw, like, sparks between us.
Me: I don’t think so. That was probably just my surgically implanted neuromodulation device interfering with your cell phone. (See what I mean about bad puns? There’s a million more where that came from, folks).
