Continued…Electric boogaloo part II

More pros and cons of occipital nerve stimulation:

• Switching postural positions (Laying to sitting? Sitting to standing?) and sudden movement may cause an “uncomfortable increase in stimulation.”
• Neck, shoulder, scalp, and back massages are a BIG no-no. Damn. Same goes for acupuncture, chiropractic, ultrasound and hand-held electric back massagers.
• It’s not a given where the battery pack, or “IPG” is placed. It can be implanted in the chest, lower back or abdominal/hip region. All of which have their plus and minuses, but I don’t really care as long as I don’t have to buy low-rise jeans forever.
• Here’s hoping I never need to be defibrillated.
• The literature reports that nerve stimulators may interact with (or be turned on and off) cell phones, Blackberries, PDAs, power lines, metal detectors, theft detectors, electric blankets, MRIs, etc., but doesn’t say anything about lightening. Hmmm.
• This study, like all good studies has to include randomization, control groups (but not quite placebo) and double-blind methods. For a better explanation about randomization and why it’s apparently necessary, ask my sister the statistician.

The best part about this (and my positive attitude is subject to change if for some reason it’s decided that I can’t be in the study) is that there is an endless supply of bad puns and double entendres that can be made, which I promise I will stop making. However, electrical engineers, anesthesiologists, and you, dear readers, are invited to keep up the wisecracking. I’ll even help you. I’ve found several oft repeated words and phrases lend themselves to such jokes, and they are: jolt, zap, buzz, spark, stimulate (as well as over stimulate, under stimulate, increase of, decrease in stimulation), charge, rechargeable, turned-on, turned-off, malfunction, dysfunction, burn, excite, implant…and the list goes on.